Two rubber ducks stood on each side of a tall, majestic goose. It was plastic, but that was what made it shine in the moonlight, and there was never a worry about preening feathers. I could tell that the two rubber ducks were way more than just friends with their plastic goose companion...

Something moved behind me, and I let out a loud cry of terror. Unfortunately, it was me shifting on the twigs and leaves that had made the sound, and now I had two rubber ducks and a plastic goose staring at me, their painted eyes seeming to drill right through my very being.

I leaped up to my feet to run, but they were, of course, much to fast for me. Mere seconds later, I was caught in their artificial bills.

I knew where I was going, and I knew it was all over. My desperate attempt to bring down their clans had failed miserably, and I was sure that I was never coming back. There would be no way to avenge the things that they'd stolen, the people that they'd killed in their piracy.

I looked ahead of me, to see where they were taking me, and I saw to my horror a giant ship. Its great breadstick masses towered over me as the goose and rubber ducks stepped upon the cracker panels of the pirate ship.

As soon as they had stepped off the licorice dock, the Fruit Rollup sails were let loose, and I was immediately thrown into the cell complete with my own boiling cauldron meant only for me. I was special, yes? Not really, I didn't fancy being eaten by plastic birds who shared backpacks with each other every friggin' day. The very thought of it made me sick.

The goose honked loudly at me once I was in the giant bubbling cauldron, and the two rubber ducks quacked in laughter.

I sat in the cauldron as it scalded me, but my skin just re-grew as soon as one layer was burned off. I thought, trying to figure out a way to escape. It had to happen between now and dinner time, that was for sure. Once I was served, there was no chance I was escaping from a dining room filled with all the plastic geese and rubber ducks that hardly seemed possible that could exist on a ship made entirely of Fruit Rollups and wheat products.

One cook sat at my side, adding various breads to the cauldron. Wheat, white, and cheesy bread…that was all I could identify before the pieces grew soggy in the boiling water.

“Tu madre es un gato,” I muttered, casting a quick glance at the duck cook. The duck quacked in furry, and out of nowhere, it took out a wooden spoon and started smacking me with it. I quickly yanked the spoon out of the goose’s slick grasp. The duck quacked in horror, probably begging for mercy. How was I supposed to know? I didn’t speak duck.

I hopped out of the cauldron, its contents spilling out over the cracker floors and drowning the duck in all its scalding fury.

The floor suddenly gave way underneath me, which wasn’t surprising. Crackers didn’t exactly stand strong soaked with water. I hit the floor beneath, salt crystals flying everywhere. I was sure that the geese and ducks would be mad about this; to them, salt was just like diamonds.

I looked around, trying to figure out what kind of room I was in. Storage, I concluded, judging from the boxes and barrels stacked around the sides, bursting with fish and bread crumbs. There were only two spots of wall where there were not barrels or boxes stacked up. One was one spot for the door, and one spot on the right wall perpendicular to the door.

Taking a deep breath, I took a few steps back to the opposite wall, and then charged foreword into the right wall. It crumbled under the momentum of my charge, and water gushed through the hole, throwing me back. To my horror, I realized that that was the side of the boat, and I had just broken a hole in the bottom. The ship was sinking, and I was still in it.


It was on this day I died, but before I drowned in that storage room, I was satisfied that I’d sunk their boat-until I remembered that they could float.